“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”
~Ernest Hemingway
Family was in town this weekend. There were lots of little children and, of course, our new baby was a hit with everyone.
We enjoyed the crowds and celebrations. And by Sunday evening, our little one had enough. She was tired–too tired. Many of you parents I am sure know what I mean.
She was inconsolable. Food, nor comfort of arms could sooth her. She simply needed time to express herself before she slept.
As my wife and I reflected on this we realized she gave us the signs that we should have been home an hour earlier. Babies certainly do talk even before they verbalize. This is what makes me think of our “Practicing Enso.”
As described in Bully, Practicing Enso is a way of listening to people. It is a teachable skill, designed to help build relationships. Here is the practice of Enso as described in our graphic novel, Bully.
When practicing Enso, we focus on the person we are listening to without trying to create our next reply. We listen with a silent mind and feel what people say as much as listen to the words they use. To use the words of a Zen master, “listen with the eye and see with the ear.” We then repeat what we heard back to the speaker to confirm we heard correctly.
Note: An important piece to this kind of listening is that we do not judge what others are saying. When we judge people’s words, we develop a response, and in doing so we give up listening. Sit silently, observing the person you are listening to and feel the words.
Had my wife and I been practicing Enso we would have heard our baby loud and clear. We would have been home and have been enjoying sleep during our baby’s frustration that evening.
How many other parents truly practice Enso?
What if teachers practiced enso with students and students with teachers?
I recently read a pot of Kris Miner’s that discussed listening. A great read that I recommend here.
Practicing Enso is a simple skill that is teachable and powerful.
To building relationships with restorative practices in schools-
Matt K.
